~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Go to MoNdAy FuNnIes Home Page
Go back to 1997 MoNdAy FuNnIeS Archive
Go back to 1998 MoNdAy FuNnIeS Archive
Go back to 1999 MoNdAy FuNnIeS Archive
Back to Cordell & Janice's Home Page
Go to FAMILY QUESTION FOR THE WEEK
Go to Hearing With Our Eyes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MoNdAy FuNnIeS
By Cordell & Janice Vail
20 Apr 1998

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WISDOM FOR THE WEEK:

(Contributed by Steven Peck.... Thanks Steve)

INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIFE

1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
2. Memorize your favorite poem.
3. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
4. When you say, "I love you", mean it.
5. When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye.
6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
7. Believe in love at first sight.
8. Never laugh at anyone's dreams.
9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
11. Don't judge people by their relatives.
12. Talk slow but think quick.
13. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?".
14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
15. Call your mom.
16. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
17. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
18. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions.
19. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
20. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
21. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
22. Marry a person you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
23. Spend some time alone.
24. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
25. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
26. Read more books and watch less TV.
27. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back,you'll get to enjoy it a second time.
28. Trust in God but lock your car.
29. A loving atmosphere in your home is so important. Do all you can to create a tranquil harmonious home.
30. In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
31. Read between the lines.
32. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
33. Be gentle with the earth.
34. Pray -- there's immeasurable power in it.
35. Never interrupt when you are being flattered.
36. Mind your own business.
37. Don't trust a person who doesn't close their eyes when you kiss them.
38. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
39. If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth's greatest satisfaction.
40. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck.
41. Learn the rules then live them.
42. Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.
43. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
44. Remember that your character is your destiny.
45. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MoNdAy FuNnIeS:

(contributed by Richard Shipp... Thanks Richard)

This one comes from a father who has identified 35 'truths' he learned from his children.

1. There is no such thing as child-proofing your house.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with rollerblades, they can ignite.
3. A 4-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Pound Puppy underwear and a Superman cape.
5. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 x 20 ft. room.
6. Baseballs make marks on the ceiling. 7. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.
8. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. 9. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
10. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
11. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh", it's already too late.
12. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
13. A 6-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year-old man says that it can only be done in movies.
14. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
15. If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes,it does not leak - it explodes!
16. A king size waterbed holds enough water to full a 2000 sq. ft. house almost 4 inches deep.
17. Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.
18. Duplos will not.
19. Playdough and Microwave ovens should never be used in the same sentence.
20. Super Glue is forever.
21. McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.
22. So can Tarzan.
23. No matter how much Jell-O you put into a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water.
24. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
25. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they do.
26. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
27. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
28. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
29. Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
30. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
31. The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5 minute response time.
32. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.
33. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
34. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
35. A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cordell's "Childrens Questions Of The Week" can be viewed at: http://www.vcaa.com/family/unk_question.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Go to MoNdAy FuNnIes Home Page
Go back to 1997 MoNdAy FuNnIeS Archive
Go back to 1998 MoNdAy FuNnIeS Archive
Go back to 1999 MoNdAy FuNnIeS Archive
Back to Cordell & Janice's Home Page
Go to FAMILY QUESTION FOR THE WEEK
Go to Hearing With Our Eyes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~